Sunday, January 26, 2014

Mommy Wars: A Response to Amy Glass

This is a response to the Amy Glass post titled "I Look Down on Young Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry" found here.

Dear Amy,
I was just apprised of your perspective on SAHM's. I read your thoughts. Here are some of mine.

I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Finance at the age of 19. I worked in Banking for four years until I purchased and built a National Franchise with my husband for the next four. I ran the sales side of the business, which had an annual revenue of over $1,000,000. I received a $1300 a month allowance to lease the Mercedes Benz of my choice as a result of my accomplishments from our Franchise Headquarters. After we had our first child, it became apparent to me exactly what you said, "The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I've written before, that's a lie. It’s just not reality. You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids."

I agree that I could not do both well because of the demands of that role and because I missed my daughter. I wanted to be able to be with her when she was sick or when she said her first words. All of the material possessions that our culture tells us are "must haves" or will give us our feeling of self-worth were not as important to me as she was/is. 

You talk about major accomplishments. I can tell you that all the sales goals that I hit were immediately forgotten the next month when the new goals rolled out. My children however will be greatly influenced by my everyday actions and will be remembered long into the future. The way that I do the laundry. Do I complain when they wipe their nose on me, or do I quietly teach them to blow their nose? Do I help them resolve conflict or just yell at them and tell them they need to figure it out? I want them to learn to love God and treat others the way Christ would. I am the best teacher for that job.

Our perspectives and priorities are different and that's ok. I would ask you to consider that you do not have to climb over others to be or feel successful. The core of your article seems to assign value to humans based on what you think is valuable. We can be happy for other women and rejoice with those who rejoice when the are having a baby and throw them a shower. If you want to throw someone a party for another occasion, DO IT!! Celebrate!! 

I don't care about feminism. I don't need to push a cause. I need to make the best decisions I can with where I'm at. Do I miss getting paid monetarily well for what I do? Absolutely. Do I miss the mental challenge and adult interaction? Absolutely. Do I miss getting to leave work and be done with work? Absolutely. But, I chose to get married and have children, and I am choosing to put the same energy and dedication into this job that I would if I were getting paid $200,000 a year to reach sales goals. You may not make the same decision. Again, that's ok.

As my children grow, and when my children graduate from high school and college, they can look back and understand what I "sacrificed" to be with them. I loved them so much I wanted to be with them. Not because I couldn't figure out how to have a "real accomplishment", but because I chose to make them my accomplishment for this time of my life. It's not wrong, it's just different.

One day I hope that my children will arise and call me blessed (Proverbs 31:28). ~Julia


  1. Love this! Wonderful response! As a feminist, I think she can have her opinion and choose her lifestyle,(and my own) but I absolutely agree with you, and I am so glad you wrote this :)

  2. Love this! Her article was so upsetting! Way to much judgement & arrogance for one blog post lol.

  3. Julia,

    All I can say is "WOW". I had not yet read Amy Glass' article until I saw this posting of yours. Now having read both of them, I want to commend you on your words back to her. You were polite and respectful of her view while defending yours. You responded as Jesus would have. Way to go!

  4. Coming from the era when feminists were new. I do believe that it was about women having a choice and not being disrespectful to the other women's choices. Perspective of having children between 30 and ten, Julia and Bethany your both what was the dream of women when wanted. A choice and the respect for whatever choice we make.I have a stay at home daughter and a working daughter-in-law both of whom I totally support. It saddens me that Miss Glass feels the need to trash women who do not make the choice she makes.

  5. Age really give perspective. Returning in kind to her comment do nothing but make her more sure she is right and not to reflect upon her comments. We once thought the big house and cars were important. We moved into a tiny two bedroom house with five children. Our youngest son thought it was great because he got to sleep in the kitchen. We were on top of each other but we had fun. The kids didn't fight half as much. Losing everything was a blessing.

  6. This article was so well done, and it made me cry and rejoice. I'm in the working world and all I want right now is to be home more and be with my husband more. I don't have kids, but I feel called and pushed to be more of a support to him and less of a self seeking career woman. My job as a Christian woman is make Christ glorified and my husband great. I am okay with this, even though the world is not. I may never be in a financial place, or a have a total desire, to be 100% at home, but I pray that God provides me with the career opportunities so that I can be home more. I don't need affirmation from the world, I need just what you said- to do what I can with where I am now. Thanks Julia.

  7. Julia, one day your children will arise and call you blessed. They will be thankful that their mother stayed home to raise them, which is the greatest job any parent could have. I am now a grandmother of four wonderful grandchildren. God has blessed me so that I get to do it all over again. I get a chance to correct the mistakes I made with my very successful children. I get to love more, spoil more, hug more, kiss more and teach a future generation of nurses, doctors, lawyers and pastors about a loving, forgiving Savior who is waiting with open arms to receive them. Family is important to God. As long as I have kept Him first, He has kept His promise to supply All my needs. My children call me blessed and my healthy, beautiful grandchildren are my pay-off. I love it. God Bless you for a wonderful response. S Clark

  8. Well said. We have the opportunity to be in the workplace or not. The choices and the limitless opportunities should be celebrated and respected.


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